OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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