I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
