Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
you never un-have a 4some
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
