i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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