You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
