Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
