Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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