Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You made out with two different species that night
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
