If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
