we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
