I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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