the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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