New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
