Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
