I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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