i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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