I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't deserve a penis
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
