I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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