he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
