If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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