Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
