I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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