There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He shit in the fireplace
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
The ass gains better be worth it
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
