absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize
