The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
