He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize