Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
