my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
