They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I could make wine with my vomit
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
