my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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