Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
