He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
