brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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