my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
