My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
