I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
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Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
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hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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