Well apparently he's into motor boating.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
