so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
