If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
