Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
