And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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