Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
