also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Congratulations! We have a period
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
