What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
