somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Randomize
