I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
