so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
