I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
