i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize