This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
