I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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