you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
