I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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