There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize