We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name