theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.