from now on my penis is your penis
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
