My room smells like vodka and shame
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
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Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
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My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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