When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
