no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
