hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
