Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
