take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
