I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
