Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
