my mouth tastes like poor choices
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
