You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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