You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
