I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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