My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
