Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
