I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
