im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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