Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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