remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
