Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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