Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
