it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
