You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
