I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
