I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
