I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
