i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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