I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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