yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
