batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I need to align my fucking chakras
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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