Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
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I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
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It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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